Guilt and risk are the toughest pills to swallow…

Day one of my back to work mission started with a big bummer. Flares , pains and fatigue and nausea. Add to that the hassle of getting ready in the morning I’m dragging myself through the activities and running very late. I’m also making everyone else late as I want to drop kids off at school and go. (I know I am over ambitious)

Looks like my husband had enough of my antics and he was irritated and asked me how can he go to office at 11 everyday? Something in that statement was like a lightening to me showed me how selfish I have been through out. I’m always worried about me going to work, me doing things and stuff but never once considered what my husband is going through. 

He is going late to work everyday as he is helping me with kids and coming back home early this again to help me with kids. Add my doctor appointments in between. He is not taking up new challenges at work with the fear of more working hours. He is sacrificing his career and his ambitions for me so that I can continue to work inspite of my illness. So I made up my mind that enough is enough I can’t let him suffer because of me.

When my husband realized that he is becoming the reason for my decision he could not tolerate it. Hypocrite in him says he doesn’t want me to take any decisions because of him that he can not live with the guilt but tells me I should not feel guilty for all the things he is made to go through because of me. Buddy I can be anything but selfish is not among them. Guilt is a tough pill to swallow for anyone.

So now I’m swallowing the next tough pill i.e., risk I’m giving up my job. I want to pursue other opportunities to work which doesn’t need 9 hours of office. I was always inspired with people going off the track and being successful in their careers now I want to see if I can do anything other than my IT job. I want to earn my living while balancing my health and family.

Hoping luck favours the brave… 

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