Back to square one… 

People say what goes comes back and God is it true for illnesses and ailments also. Looks like it is. My TMJ (Jaw joints) pain with flares in other parts of my body made me run to my rheumatologist and tada all my diet and hard work went down the drain. After 6 months break methotrexate is back in my life and body. Also after a gap of an year cortishot is back with a bang twice daily now. God must really hate me. Oh even with such high doses and aggressive medication there is no pain relief.

Now comes the depression and then thinking glasses. How to come out of it? It’s like poisoning myself slowly if I continue to take the above medicines but if I don’t there is no point in living with so much pain. Now enters the determination to cure myself. 

Two primary aspects to achieve the above:

1. Avoid stress, get lots of rest and make all the time available to work on myself with diet, yoga and meditation.

     This is not so easy to achieve as I need to quit my job to avoid stress and to make time for other activities. Leaving what I love and letting go of all my hard work so far not at all alluring. My husband says I can go back to work once I’m well but what I can’t wrap my head around is even after knowing everything he still thinks RA  will go away after an year or so if I’m dedicated and determined. 

I know things like diet, yoga etc will help to manage the illness but they will not cure it. The moment I start going back to work everything will go back which we have already experienced. Soon after you are off the track and drop the shield RA will be ready to attack like a demon lurking in the corners. So why not look for a balance from now? ☺. 

2. Following the regime religiously.

With my past experiences and all the readings I have the necessary ingredients to make this pain go away.

1. Diet

2. Exercise – yoga for fitness and flexibility.

3. Meditation – for stress management and psychological strength.

Now the dilemma is should we spend more money and join people or programs to follow this or should we have our own regime to work it out. My own plan sounds good as it is cost effective and also I know my body well. But will I follow through? What if I loose motivation and start becoming lazy again? Million questions to ponder nothing is simple black and white in life.

Anyways no matter what path I choose I’m ready for the battle. A battle with my self a test to my dedication, determination and courage. 

Wait and watch for my battle updates….


One thought on “Back to square one… 

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