When our body behaves as expected all will be good and glory in the world once things start going out of the way then our mind starts wandering towards uncharted territories.
Exactly what I’m going through now. Nothing can stop me when there is no pain but that bliss never lasts longer. There is always pain waiting for me in some joints to eclipse my mood and life. What I would not give to have pain free days.
More than pain the fear of pain is crippling. On the days when the pain is less or manageable also out of fear not to disturb the good thing going I’m just not willing to do anything other than mandatory things.
All this is so depressing that it makes us feel useless and which makes us more lazy. Chronic illness is more dangerous because of this it not only impacts our body but also our mental well-being and in turn the whole family.
What is good? what is bad? what am I taking for granted? Is this no stop struggle worth it? Are we a boon or a burden to the people around? For how long will they keep up with our illness and our sorry attitude? Am I creating a unhealthy environment for my family? It’s a never ending list of what ifs .
Sometimes I think god has given me this because I’m strong enough to fight it, capable enough to overcome it but are my strings getting stretched too far.. Can I come back to my original state before my elasticity gives up.. let’s wait and watch.
Hoping for a miracle…